Crush Your 2023 Goals (Parody)

Well hello there, If you’re anything like me, you’re probably constantly setting goals for yourself and then completely failing to achieve them. Am I right?

If you cant see the goal, how can you hit it? You can’t so keep things blurry- that ways it isn’t your fault when you miss it!

I mean, who hasn’t set a goal to lose weight and then proceeded to eat an entire pizza by themselves the next day? Or who hasn’t set a goal to save more money and then gone on a shopping spree the next week?

It’s almost like goal setting is completely pointless, right? I mean, what’s the point in setting a goal if you’re just going to inevitably fail at it anyway?

Don’t study that justifies the failing grade

But alas, society insists that we set goals for ourselves and try our best to achieve them. So, if you must set goals, here are a few tips to ensure your ultimate failure:

Make your goals as unrealistic as possible. The bigger the goal, the more impressive it will be when you inevitably fail to achieve it.

Don’t plan or strategize at all. Just wing it and hope for the best.

Don’t tell anyone about your goals. That way, no one will know when you fail and you can just pretend like you never set the goal in the first place.


Don’t track your progress or make any effort to follow through on your goals. If you don’t try, you can’t fail!

So there you have it, folks. Some sarcastic and completely unhelpful tips for setting and achieving your goals. Good luck, you’ll need it.

Go forth and crush your spirit

Thanks for reading this parody of goal setting

Joe Ingram – The Sales Genius


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