Owning the Relationship. Okay guys this is what I want to talk about. So the title of this episode is going to be Own the Relationship. And I want you to understand that. That every time you’re talking to somebody, think of every person that you have met, think of every person that you know of right now and I want you to understand that you need to take ownership of the relationship.
Here’s what I mean, so have you guys ever heard that marriage is a 50:50 thing? I’ll tell you right now, the reason if you go into marriage thinking it’s 50% me, 50% my spouse. That is going to lead to divorce. That’s just the way it works. What is the divorce rate right now? It’s a little over 50% in the United States. So what does that tell you? It tells you that if you don’t put in your part, I have a reason to leave. This is all going to be about sales but I do believe that a lot of people out there are dependent up
on relationship selling. They are out there trying to sell based off a relationship that they have. Now I’m going to tell you that most of the time that’s not the case with me. I prefer to challenge my client and my prospect into a discussion about what they need and why is my product the right one, and if it’s not I’ll tell them. The only reason I’m not a huge fan of relationship selling is that relationship selling requires one thing that I don’t have a lot of and that’s time. So if I don’t have a lot of time, but I’m requiring the relationship to be built, then it’s going to mean I have sales down the road and that’s why a lot of people who have started in sales and then bailed out of sales, but after they’ve left the company is when people start calling back because they’re going, hey I kind of missed that person and I want to talk to them to see if maybe we can do business. And then the sales person that stuck it out is the one that’s still there going, oh okay I’m here, so let’s talk about it. And then what does that customer need to do? He need to start a new relationship. So you have a choice.
You can sit back and say am I going to be a relationship seller? Yeah you probably can and you will be successful in a long run. Somebody who’s more of a hard worker is just going to jump in there and dial, dial, dial and look for low hanging fruit and they can be successful quickly but not long term because the only way they make more money is to do more effort and you’re going to run out of that same thing which is time. And you’re going to get tired and you’re going to get burnt out. And burnt out is another topic we have here in the podcast for you look at. But I want you to understand that there is a benefit to selling with the relationship if you own the relationship. Own every relationship that’s around you.
So go back to that 50:50 with your spouse. You want to be successful? You flip that around and say it’s 90:10. 90 me, 10% my spouse. So if you sit back and go, okay 90% of it is me. Do you realize it’s very little? They need to contribute because I’m going to own 90% of us getting along, us communicating, us having the right money in the bank, us having everything that we want, the vacation fund, the right cable bill or if I’ve got satellite. Whatever it is, I’m going to own all of the parts of our relationship that we need to worry about so that the household gels and as a couple, we work. I’m going to own that relationship. So if it’s 90:10, then you’re never upset with that person not meeting you halfway.
Now here’s the success part, both of you own 90%. As soon as both of you say I own 90% of this relationship and I’m responsible for it, everybody is over delivering. That’s how things succeed. So I need you to start and realize you own 90% of all your relationships with your clients, with all your prospects. You own 90%, 90:10. They only got to contribute 10. I know some of you will sit back right now and go, wow I have some pretty successful relationships with my prospects because they’re not even… if I’m lucky to get 10%, that’s great. So when they hit 10% they’re actually engaging. And I want you to understand that. I want you to say to yourself you own the relationship.
So if I own the relationship with my prospect, what do I own? I own their understanding of what it is I’m saying. So that’s a big key point. I want you to understand that. I need you to accept full responsibility, not blame. Full responsibility for them understanding what your point is, what your product is and what it is you’re trying to move across. So there are times that in relationships in and out of a sale. But if you have a spouse you have to try to sell. Let’s be real. When you stop and realize that I’m giving all this effort, I’m giving all this effort but I’m hitting the wall. And quite often it’s because you’re communicating the way you want to. What does that mean to you? You sit down and go, okay well if I think I need to see this or see that, or I need to show you this and show you that, but the person is listening to the words you’re saying and the words you’re saying are not contextually in the right spot, and they can’t hear you.
So stop and realize, are they visual, are they an auditory or are they a kinesthetic learner? Because if they’re a kinesthetic learner where they have to do things to understand what they’re doing, and you’re trying to do everything visually for them and saying jump on this Zoom meeting. Let’s have a Zoom meeting. Let’s go on there. I’ll show this, this, this and that. Let’s go and do your web access, do your go-to meetings, do things like that. When I go tell you to do that for certain people, they can’t do that. Certain people don’t learn that way. And it’s up to me to find out with those people exactly what it is that they need from me and how to present it to them so that I own the relationship.
So I will communicate, I will look for what I call a “feedback loop” and I’ve mentioned it previously. The Feedback Loop is I will say to them, can you tell me what I just explained to you? To make sure that I was clear. And now you’re going to get them to explain back what you just said and then they realized… at that point in time you realized, wow I’m so not communicating in their language. There is something I’m missing. And instead of saying they’re an idiot, it’s their fault. I know in the automotive space we go, that guy is a jack, he didn’t get it. He’s just wasting my time. That’s not true.
How many real estate clients are you sitting with, where you’re talking to them, when you’re going through stuff and you can tell they don’t click. It’s a couple. They don’t click together and then of course you’re not going to click with one of the two of them or both of them. But you’re sitting there going, your communication problems aren’t my problems. This is all on you. Guess what, that’s a fail. You’re not going to sell. I’d rather sit down and figure out how they need me to present to them so that they could learn and get to the point of making intelligent decision. I need to sit down and provide them every opportunity for them to make a decision that is intelligent based on their feeling, based on their logic so that it benefits them the most. And if I take the time to say I own this relationship, then I can change what I’m doing.
Instead of sitting back and say, well that’s not what I meant and it’s their fault for taking it that way. And how many times have you heard that? How many times have you said that in your relationship? How many times have you sit down with a customer or if you have a customer relations team that follows up with people that didn’t buy from you, which is a great tool to have out there because again it’s going to give you feedback that you can build off of. And I already know you want feedback because you’re listening to this podcast or watching the video. You want to know how to do better. But I’m going to tell you right now own the relationship. Stop putting the responsibility of the other person to be part of it.
I will tell you, when I train, when I go into companies and I sit down and train their sales department. When I sit with them, I own the understanding of the student. I own it. I don’t just sit back and go, well you’re difficult and that’s who you are. I will change the way I adapt. I will tell you, sitting down, there’s a way I have to communicate to my wife. There’s a way I have to communicate to my daughter. I have three boys and I have to communicate with them differently so that they understand it. When I sit down in a group setting to teach somebody, I know there are certain things I have to do physically, there’s certain things I have to write and present to, there’s certain things I have to say to get everybody in that room to understand what it is I’m doing, and I will seek understanding from each and every one of them, and not just label one and say that’s a problem.
I went to a company the other day, I sat down, I did a personality testing. Four different personalities. Almost every test you go through except for the Myers Briggs test which has like 57 different categories, but most personalities break you up into four different categories and I want to go into details on another podcast but when you start to realize there’s four different categories. So when I sit down and I put it up on the board and I take 30 minutes and I explain each and every one of them, and how they react and who they are and what they are. And everybody in the room, the light starts going on and going on. And I got one sitting in front of the room and his arms folded across his head, and on his chest and he’s got his feet stretched out right in front of them. He’s just sitting there and again, that’s not body language part. That’s just the fact that’s how he sits comfortably. But I know he’s just staring at me like I’m less than intelligent.
And I just sit back and I look at him and I go, can you find yourself on this wheel? Out of the four? Nope I’m not there. Oh okay. And why do you say that? And I sat down and work with this person. Went back and forth and back forth and I said, well look, this is who you are because everything you’re telling me leads me this way. And let me tell you what you’re going to say next. You’re going to say this, this and this. And then you’re going to try and justify it by saying this, this and this. And I’m going to answer you with this and I went four steps in the argument ahead of where we were. And he just put his head down and started laughing. And I said, I’m sorry, did I nail it? And he goes, yeah that’s exactly what would have happened. And I said so how come you can’t see yourself on the wheel if I could find you on the wheel. And I could play out everything that’s going to happen in the next four steps. And he still looks at me and goes, I don’t see myself on there. And I said, you hold on to that. And that’s your desire to be that person. And I’m okay because on that wheel, being difficult is one of the personalities that’s out there.
So look at it, there it is and you just got to hold on to the fact that you want to be extra difficult and say you’re not there. I own it. I’m okay. Just put it on like a jacket. If it fits that’s great. But if I found you on the wheel, that means what? You’re on it. And I will tell you, after that point, that person relaxed, went through… actually jutted down a couple of notes. It was really strange to everybody I the room. Because nobody else was fighting me. Everybody else was like, oh my gosh this is great stuff. Oh I learned so much. Oh look I can see this, now I can see who this person is, this person, this person and this person. And everybody around the room, I walked them through from the front of the room exactly how to find themselves and what to look for. And they were like, wow that’s great. And I said now that you know who you are, can you see other people and see how they are?
Let’s talk about who everybody is in the room and I showed everybody who is in the room, had them explain themselves they went through, and they were like, wow. That makes a difference. And I said so now, realize it’s not as important for you to be you when you’re dealing with a prospect. It’s important for you to be who the prospect need you to be. Come on write that down. Say it back to me. It is more important for you to be who the prospect needs you to be so that you can make a sale. It is not important who you are. And as soon as you can check that ego out of the way, if you take your ego. Ego stands for Edging Grows Out of the deal. If you do that, realize, hey that’s what I need to do to be here, and I’m not saying be fake. I’m saying hey we all have the personality parts in this. Use the part matches who your prospect is and communicate to them in a way that they understand.
So stop going for me being right and it’s very difficult for me because my whole family thinks I’m always right. But what I want you to do is understand that you need to adapt yourself to apply what you have for the client to understand. Own the relationship with your spouse, with your kids, with your friends, with the people you work with in the office. And especially with your prospects and your existing clients. Own the relationship and watch how much shorter that window becomes instead of you just picking up the phone and trying to find as many clients that you can say are like you so they can buy from you. I’d say why don’t we just adapt to everybody and take a bigger piece of the pie. And that’s going to be another one called Beyond the 25%. So be on a lookout for that one. As always I appreciate you and thanks for stopping back by to learn how to close more deals today. Thanks.