Why Should I Forgive You?

If a person has wronged you – why let them off the hook for what they have done?

We live in a world where most of the population is walking around looking for a reason to say they have been wronged. With the wide-spread access to the Internet, we now have an instant audience to listed to our strife and woes about the evil “they” that are always out to harm me. My friends and family will always be there to tell me how badly I should feel about a particular situation, and even better, they will tell me every review site to boast about my poor treatment and the obviously hostile way in which my sandwich was put together at the deli! I threw that last part in to be funny, but it’s not far from the truth.

I am sure I will sound old when I say this, but (back when I was a kid) growing up in lovely southern California (where they pay extra to not experience weather), my parents taught me 6 very simple words to deal with any less than favorable situation. They taught me these words the old-fashioned way – not with a Rosetta Stone tape pack, or with subliminal messaging, they used spaced repetition. That’s right, over and over again I would here these magic words anytime I wanted to vent, complain or all out bitch about a situation. These words are very rarely said in today’s society – because they would be found to be too harsh, or not coddling to another persons feelings or delicate ego. Think about it though, It was very freeing for me, every time I started into my story “Blah, Blah, Blah, bitch, whine snivel…” my mom or dad (in very severe cases it was a duet sung in perfect pitch and tempo) would look at me and say “Get Over It and Move On!”

Not very powerful words, you wouldn’t find them on a fancy motivational poster, or chiseled into a stone tablet, but I think they may be what I have written on my tombstone. “Get Over It and Move On!” thanks mom and dad, it has allowed me to stand on my own two feet. It prevents me from the crippling diseases that is plaguing this nation – they are:

Impatience

and

Self-Importance

(this is whole new blog topic, for later)

Both of these items are deadly by themselves, but when combined they are more toxic than drinking cyanide with a ground glass chaser! I know that is pretty graphic, but its meant to drive home a point – Being impatient and self-important are causing people to be mentally hurt by the simplest of things.

Stop and ask yourself how you feel if the waiter/waitress takes the order of the table that was seated after you? Do you feel like you have been slighted? Do you want to yell at the waiter for being so inconsiderate of your specialness? If someone cuts you off on the freeway, how angry do you get? Was it your lane, and they invaded your personal (automotive) space? If you are getting angry now reading this, stop before you say; “its my tax dollars that paid for that lane, so yes its mine!” Because you are only proving my point.

We are a society that has decided to find a way to feel bad at almost any opportunity. The problem with this is that misery does love company, so you can always find a support group (aka Friends list on any social media site) to validate the way you feel, and in the end, their validation leaves you just as empty as you were before the event occurred! In truth, the event didn’t devalue you in any way – your interpretation of the event only solidified your feelings of being less than you ought to be.

Don’t wear this around – it isn’t flattering!

Wait a minute, did you just say that I think I am less than I am supposed to be, and that is why I lash out at strangers and loved ones looking for a reason to be angry, upset or sad?

YES…ding ding ding, we have a winner – THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I AM SAYING!

Earlier, when you read the words “misery loves… ” even now you say in your head the word “Company”. You know it to be true, deep inside you, in places you don’t talk about at dinner parties, you need it to be true, you want it to be true – but YOU CANT HANDLE THE TRUTH! Sorry, I had to do that – it was such a great line, with many, many applications. The misery that is inside you, the pain you feel about not living up to your full potential, is what lashes out and needs to feel condemned, because that is its company. The problem we all face is that the emptiness keeps growing, and we keep feeding it half-truths and made up drama’s thinking that it will fill us, and it doesn’t. We are left feeling more and more empty, like the acid in your stomach turning on itself to eat away at the stomach lining (ever wonder why we have ulcers?).

The answer to this dilemma is Forgiveness – I know it seems so simple, but its true. You are probably nodding your head right now because you know it is the way out of the trap of impatience and self-importance, but admitting it means we have been wrong for so long. Being wrong is another way of allowing the misery to find something to latch on too. It’s not about who is wrong in this situation, it isn’t a parenting flaw, it isn’t that you weren’t hugged enough as a child, remember there are people out there that have had really bad things happen in their life, worse than the things you have gone or are going through, and they know how to forgive – in fact it is the main reason they got out from under the circumstances they were in.

Forgiving people, or that one person that you are still holding a grudge against; doesn’t hurt them, it only hurts you. Think about this: they don’t feel any worse when they see you if you were to yell at them, or if you acted like it never happened. The battle is supposed to rage inside them, until they forgive themselves, not inside you diminishing your internal congruence. Instead, you both feel miserable when you make eye contact, or happen to be in the same place at the same time.

Stop giving away your power… Forgiveness is your power, the power to make you stronger than the circumstances or the situation. When you fail to use forgiveness, you become empty and hollow inside. Thus starting the whole cycle all over again.